July 31, 2012

• To Be Twenty-Eight

  It would seem that on a person’s birthday, people like to come out of the woodworks and say “I miss you” when they normally wouldn’t think of you if it weren’t your birthday. So, I have come to the conclusion that people are opportunistic assholes. Nothing new there. Also, my boyfriend kept asking me what it was like to be twenty-eight. All I could say was “twenty-six sucked balls, don’t want to go back to twenty-six”. Actually, I would not, for any amount of money, go back to age twelve, sixteen, eighteen, twenty-one, or twenty-six. Those are what I like to call “The Bullshit Years”.
  We found out the hard way today that Drain-o does not actually dissolve hair. So, we’ve still gotta do something with the bathtub. It keeps getting harder and harder to get rid of bodies these days.
  I’m finally at the age where I am completely put together now. No more awkwardness. My skin and hair look awesome. My brain works the way I want it to work, putting thoughts together at lightning speed and combining pieces of information efficiently. My life finally stopped sucking.My sense of style is enviable. And, my body is fast, strong, and can pretty much hold up to anything. Hooray!

  • 8:14 pm
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