March 4, 2013

• How did we get this far in just a delapidated weather balloon?

  Him: (passing me in the hall) I love you, wifey.

  Me: (kissing him on the cheek) I love you too… husband..ey?

           wait a second to figure out what just happened…

         (following him into the living room) Wait, when the hell did we get married? Did you put a roofie in my drink again and        take me to city hall?

  Him: Maybe… (then chuckles to himself)

  Me: You’re like the most ineffective rapist ever, you know that? “Yeah, I chloroformed you and then painted your toenails.”.

  Him: Hey, hey, I also bathed you in pepto bismal and shaved your elbows with peanut butter. Don’t judge me. That’s what I like.

  Me: Not judging you, well, except for that mental image. Ew. Just, next time we get married, can I be conscious?

   

  These are the kinds of conversations we have in this apartment. I think this means that we’re both too weird to be with anyone else.

  • 4:36 am
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