December 16, 2012
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How Abuse Works
It’s that one little word that gets thrown around a lot, and argued over, and covered over, and still strikes a chord of fear into the hearts of all those who have gone through it. Abuse. It usually has an adjective in front of it, to differentiate it from the others (physical, emotional, sexual, etc.) but it works the same way. In the mind of the abuser, it is a desperate clamoring for control. It is a wounded ego lashing out at someone or something that reminds the abuser of how helpless they feel. Its twisted cycle is almost sickeningly predictable, and pulls all those involved tighter and tighter into the vice of pain:
The abuser lulls the abusee into emotional attachment.
The abuser gets upset at the abusee and lashes out, but makes it seem as though the abusee is the one at fault.
The abuser tries to soothe things over by making promises, getting emotional.
The abuser waits until everything is calm again to abuse again.
The abusee makes excuses for the abuser’s behavior, and starts walking on egg shells, relinquishing control of the situation to the abuser.
The abuse happens more and more, and the abusee comes to expect it, as if its something they deserve.
The abuser isolates the abusee, making sure the abusee is even more helpless and therefore abuse-able.
The abusee gets a moment of clarity, but it is short lived either though bargaining or more abuse.
The cycle perpetuates itself until something permanently separates the abuser from the abusee.I kept thinking about this all day, because, if you separate this one little word from this cycle, and call it what it really is, which is control, then there are some rather close-to-the-vest scenarios, from self-destruction to what’s going on in society today, where this little power struggle plays itself out. But, how do we break up with things that only want to hurt us, yet at the same time we rely upon?
