June 1, 2009

  • I Always Feel

    That I have so many things to say, but the words never reach the lines of communication, so I wind up taking three pages to say "Look, I found my pen!" That I have to, almost impulsively, explain things that are simple in complex terms, and things that are complex in simple terms. I feel as if I always have to explain. That if, given the right hallucinogenic vapors and special effects crew, I could be the ultimate Oracle. I always feel as if the world should never need an oracle, it should have understood its own humanity by now. I feel as if when I do speak, that my words were wasted on the air. I feel as if nonsense is my only language. I feel as if my soul is too massive for my own temporal body. I wonder and ask it often if it would like to escape for a while. I always feel that a good bottle of wine is all I need to solve my problems. I always feel that my problems are both more and less pressing than others at the same time. I always feel that I have to rescue everyone I know. I always feel that if I rescue anyone, they might resent me later. I always feel that... well, that's it. I always feel. Always. I can't turn off the emotion, the empathy, the fullness of my heart.