January 9, 2009

  • Three Secrets

    I read Post Secret, pretty much religiously, every Sunday Afternoon. As someone who is a fairly private person, it would seem odd for me to be so addicted to established entities that are dedicated to revealing personal secrets. And, technically, I'm not addicted to that part of the process. It's the anonymity that I love. The secret is let out, the pressure is released, without the personhood being compromised. And so, about six months ago, I let out a tester secret, something that was true but that when things were worked out more wouldn't need to be a secret for long. And the secret grew two more secrets, and now I'm posting them, just as a way to bring them closer to the light.

    The Private Side of a Man-Whore.

    Posted by angelwingfive on 5/25/2008 8:39:00 PM
    My current fuck-buddy (who is actually one of only two guys I've ever had sex with and that is a long story in itself) is the life of the party. He's living every man's dream, charming beautiful woman after beautiful woman into bed, even being flown out of state to have three weeks of threesomes with his bisexual ex-roommate. No one would believe that there's anything beyond that. But somehow I went from being an entry in his little black book to having his entire psyche dropped in my lap for me to make sense of and soothe. I have become his guardian angel, of sorts. He talks to me all the time, and has let me into his past, his inner demons, dreams, insecurities, his entire life. I get to see this man not as the ladies man, but as a real human being. This puts me in a very difficult position. He won't admit it, but he uses sex as he does drugs, as a mask, an escape from himself for a few hours. To help him the way he wants me to, I have to break down every wall, every mask, essentially take away from him everything that he shows to the world on the outside, and then try really really hard not to fall in love with the beauty that's left.

    Comments

    Too late my dear, you already have.
    Posted by S. on 5/26/2008 8:34:00 AM

    I'm actually talking to him right now. We're talking about the rain and how mesmerized we are by it over instant messaging. Maybe you are right and I'm already in love.
    Posted by Angelwingfive on 5/26/2008 11:24:00 AM

    Private Side of A Man-Whore, One Month Later.

    Posted by angelwingfive on 6/22/2008 3:33:00 PM
    What happened since then? I moved back to town for school, and we've only been together once in the past three weeks. But we talk every couple of days online still. Last week He tried to get in contact with me three times in one day but missed me by just minutes each time and got impatient and logged off before I could message him back, and when I asked a friend if this meant he had something important to say, their reply was "Whoa, I thought it was a turn-off to girls when a guy loses control". The kicker: this happened just a day after making plans with me and then blowing them off. I don't understand this at all. All I know is I have to keep my guard up because feelings other than concern and sexual passion in this situation are absolutely emotional suicide.

    Never Been Cast

    Posted by an anonymous user on 6/30/2008 1:43:00 PM

    I came to the theatre department as the resident playwright, gifted with words, beats, emotions. I have become a sought-after technical designer, as well. Four years working my ass off and all I want to do is be an actor. But this is an impossibility, even though I audition for almost every show. And opening night, standing backstage while everyone waits for their cue, I get so jealous I can't stand it. I feel like some selfish diva.