I've come to realize that my last kiss was:
Ten seconds ago. And very soft, yet physically awkward.

I am listening to:
The Washington Post .com webcast.

I talk:
With somewhat of a jumbled vocablulary, but I'd like to think I'm articulate.

I love:
Micah, my art, my friends, and my personal and spiritual freedom. In that order.

My best friends:
Either live far away at this time in history, or just live far away from the grid mentally.

My first real kiss:
Was disappointing.

I hate it when people ask:
If I'm okay when I'm just deep in thought.

Love is:
Can never be recieved, just given back in kind.

Marriage is:
Something only to be embarked upon when the two people involved are truly in love.

Somewhere, someone is thinking:
"What the hell did I do with that spoon? Is it under the couch?"

I'll always:
Look at you funny when you're trying to be clever.

I have a crush on:
Orson Welles from the 1930's, and that man... sitting at his desk... on the other side of the room.

The last time I cried was because:
I was frustrated because I had just spent eight hours making up for someone else's stupidity.

My cell phone:
Is old, decrepid, but makes the most wonderful noises.

When I wake up in the morning:
I usually do it several times, because my inner clock likes to believe it's much later.

Before I go to bed:
I always write in my journal. Unless I forget or I'm too tired.

Right now I am thinking about:
The smudge on my glasses.

Babies are:
Scary in their ablility to influence normally intelligent humans.

Today I:
Will finish this damn survey, then maybe seduce the boyfriend.

Tonight I:
Will work, then drink, then watch a movie, then sleep.

Tomorrow it will be:
A short shift, then awesome alone time.

I really want to...
Find out why there is a broken match stick on my desk.

I'm celebrating Guy Fawkes day a day early, mostly because I have to work tomorrow. But I had an interesting realization: the Fifth of November starts in the wee hours of the morning the day before. By the evening of the fifth, which is when all the supposedly cool kids celebrate, everything's already been done/set up/destroyed in a beautifully orchestrated blast. And everyone that I've talked to about it says "But it's the fourth, the Fifth is Guy Fawkes Day" like I'm crazy or something. I say HAAAAA!!!! The fifth I sling tacos. The fourth we blow up Parliament! and then make Eggy in a Basket.

First, a poll: http://poll.fm/19zfu
Now, onto the rest of our immortal ramblings:
I am creating too many characters for projects that haven't even left the ground. I almost feel now as if I'm just making people up for my own enjoyment. My phone, on silent in the library, makes me paranoid when something changes as I look at it. Even though it's only the clock. Someone's trying to get ahold of me, I just know it! I'll be ruined! AAAAAAAHJHJHHHHHH!
T-minus five days until the start of moving! I'm so excited! I've been packing boxes of non-essential items, such as books and art supplies, for the past couple of days! Which makes no sense. Why are art supplies suddenly non-essential?
I keep seeing Halloween stuff that I can't afford. And it's not so painful that I can't afford it, I think it just has something to do with the fact that I would probably make some things a permanent (or at least semi-permanent) installation of my home decor and/or wardrobe. And I only have a week and a half to scoop it up.

Current mood:adventurous

Maybe it's just me, but I get some sort of psychological kick out of evolving. My tastes change. My philosophy changes. I squeeze every last drop out of every life lesson and analyze it and put it to use. My approach to other humans switches as I figure out more ways to stay aloof. But it seems like not many people have mastered the art of evolving like I have. What does this say? That they're happy with who they are? That maybe I'm not? That they don't know how to change because they never broaden their horizons? *Sigh*. Perhaps I just don't like being the same person over and over and over.

I found out this morning that roughly $250 was taken out of my account without my knowledge or consent, as a direct credit to Cox communications in Georgia. The bank thought it was a normal transaction, and acted incredulous then apologetic when I said I had no account with Cox. This irked me, because I try to be very careful with my money, and came upon this problem when I tried to take out cash to pay the deposit on a new apartment. This apparently, when I filed a dispute, was a common case of identity theft. Identity theft? More like electronic mooching. I work long hours slinging tacos, deposit my money, and someone else takes off with it. It kind of sounds like my current living situation: Micah, Robbie, and I make payments on an apartment, buy groceries, pay bills, keep the place clean, and come home to find some random stoner friend has let himself in, turned on all the lights, and fallen asleep in front of the couch. I'm fucking tired of it. And I could go on and on about how unjust it is that things seem to be free for the taking lately, but I just needed to vent.

My cynicism is growing and expanding. It's quite honestly frightening to watch myself.
Just when I thought I was losing my grip on my art, my geeky, cross-dressing friend comes up with a brilliant plan.
Turning something brilliantly psychotic into a children's show, considering that the amazing part was that it was a twisted children's show, shows a complete lack of understanding of what makes theatre tick. We should just scare the shit out of everyone and then go home to get drunk.
I kind of hate tacos right now.
The sound on the other side of the wall reminds me of a rave crossed with a spaceship crossed with a massacre. Must investigate. Must find my laser gun.

I feel very awkward in my multimedia class right now, because sometimes when we get to a certain point in the notes, I have a tendency to add an anecdote from a movie I saw, which: 1) the professor has never seen, and 2) doesn't understand how the concept goes with the topic at hand. Of course, in his own mind he's probably right, but there are some things he's not considering from my end of the academic interruption:
 - I have seen lots of movies. Maybe not movies that other people watch, because as a wannabe filmmaker I try to slice from all the genres, but my movie repertoire is pretty damn extensive. Especially in the past year. Films have become my source of vegging, my artistic inspiration, my two hours of unloadable introspection. When I watch a movie, I don't just watch it, I take in every moment and process it. So if I think something I saw in "American Psycho" was relevant to the discussion (I'll explain that example in a bit), I pretty much know what I'm talking about.
 - The movie industry has been, for decades, keeping up with technological advances (or imaginary technological advances, in the case of science fiction) for the purposes of staying relevant. Which is the point of the class, that technology, especially digital forms of media, has invaded our lives and become so important that we can't help but pay attention. A computer in a film in 1975 is used to crunch numbers or to figure out some complex quandary. A cell phone in a movie in the year 2007 is a viable plot device, no matter where on earth the characters are, because so much verbal communication, whether mundane of potentially life-changing, is exchanged on them.

After making the proceeding point, it appears that I must give two examples where this happened in class
1) We were talking about communication through cell phones, and he gave a story on how he did a documentary back in 2003 in Africa, and how in three years the village he visited changed drastically because of the addition of a cell phone tower. The residents still didn't have indoor plumbing or reliable electricity, but they had cell phones, and the residents seemed more connected to each other and to other places surrounding them. This reminded me of the movie "Rendition" (starring Jake Gyllenhaal, Omar Metwally, and Reese Witherspoon) where the secondary plot in Egypt included teenagers surrounded by outdoor markets and mud-thatched buildings, but everyone had cell phones, and the primary plot where the main character was imprisoned and tortured because he called his family back in that part of the world, but at some point the number owned by one of them could be traced to a well-known terrorist because everyone traded phones to throw off the authorities, and it led to the character's imprisonment and the entire plot structure of the damn movie.

2) Today in class we were talking about laser discs, and how early discs were as large as vinyl albums. This got my brain jogging back to the movie "American Psycho" (starring Christian Bale) and how, if that were true, some of the more pivotal scenes of the film were probably anachronistic. I explained that the film was set in the mid-to-late 1980's and that one of the things the main character did when he was about to kill someone he heinously despised, he would pop in a CD (as this would have been a very up-and-coming form of technology and the point of the movie was that Patrick Bateman was not a human, he was a hollow entity whose entire sense of self came from what he could afford and how much control and prestige he had over others) of a band that was popular at the time, be it Genesis, or Hewey Lewis and The News, and give commentary on the music, not as though he were actually feeling the music, but kind of like a hollow Rolling Stone review, get the character confused as to where Patrick was leading with this, and then pull out the axe and chop his fucking head off. This got a laugh, but the point was missed. To me I made the connection, even though Prof. Reeder wasn't talking about audio CD's but Video disks and in a sense skipped over himself in his own point-making.

Hmmm... I guess the point of this post was to make myself feel slightly less nerd-like, but instead I succeeded in showing far too many of my awkwardnesses. I'm going to stop typing now and head to work where things make slightly more sense.

This is post #600. I'm not sure why I'm so concerned with numbers right now.
Some of the people around me are losing their cell phones. My boyfriend, by not-biological brother, some guy in theatre, who knows who else. This makes me wonder if the imaginary vampires are taking phones one at a time so we can't run away. A cell phone is like a blood transfusion.
How much would a live pet rabbit cost at a pet store? I ask because one of the characters in a film I'm making soon is a Native American Hare Spirit, who is a devilish trickster but also the God of Medicine. It would be kind of awesome to have this spirit portrayed by a nice cute brown or gray bunny rabbit staring the main character down angrily in a hallucinogenic haze.

There is a tree at a school I used to attend that has been growing for seven years now exactly. It was planted as a memorial for the September 11th terrorist attacks. It has been allowed to grow unmolested and is probably a beautiful sapling now. But it's only a memorial. One event happened within a relatively drama-free period of history and catapulted many changes in our nation that are still seen today. I don't mean to sound uncaring, but I don't believe 9/11 was that important in the grand scheme of things. It kind of reminds me of the sinking of the Titanic, where the ship was supposed to be unsinkable but it sunk anyway and because it was not handled correctly, it became a history-making disaster. Mostly what I can remember from that time was a lot of capitalizing on patriotism and lots of musical "tribute to America"s where I kind of just stood there, bored as hell, keeping my middle finger raised in the crook of my arm while someone sang "God Bless the USA" off-key. I also remember watching a lot of CNN and most of it replaying the attacks over and over so we would feel the full effect. It was a shock (and I could go on to say that humans are a bit masochistic in some ways, and that they feed a bit off of seeing horrible things happen, but I imagine that I would probably be called something insulting. I don't like being insulted.) only because Americans aren't used to seeing explosions that don't have a director calling the shots. That's the truth. Suddenly everyone was up in arms because we were fucked with by a bunch of radicals (it really didn't even matter that they were Muslims) and supposedly our 'Merikun way of life was being threatened. What I ultimately want to know from all this was: 1) would we have cared so much if we had actually even seen real war on our soils that wasn't against Redcoats or Natives, 2) Were we really that threatened in the first place, and 3) (In the words of my friend Ian) Where is this mythical land of America everyone talks about?
I guess I'm just frustrated, jaded, and cranky. Do they still serve freedom fries?

(I feel like I'm in high school or something. I need to start waking up at three in the morning, putting on an ass ton of makeup and taking pictures of myself in sexy poses. Micah would sure get a kick out of that...)